Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
