All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
