the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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