So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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