How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
