No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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