dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
