I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
