Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize