there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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