well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
