She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the gays at disneyland are vicious
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
