Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
