Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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