I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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