Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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