Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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