They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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