Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
