Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
