Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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