I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
