That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize