I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
