i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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