in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
