at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
