We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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