My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
