K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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