Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
