So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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