And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
