You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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