i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize