did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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