I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
