How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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