The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize