In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
