i just wanna soil my oats bro
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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