He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
