If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
