she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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