Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
