I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
