She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
