Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
