cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
