I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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