are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
