I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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