Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
