$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
