I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
