I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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