we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
