Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i out mim tonsoeep
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