Porn is love you can see.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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