if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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