I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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