dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
