just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
