you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
