if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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