I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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