It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
