also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I touched a dick in church today
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
