Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
