dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will pee on everything he values.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
