Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
